If I Could Go Back In Time

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

I wish I could go back in time to my wedding day! Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Remembering back I see a young couple that had no clue what the vows they took meant. It’s just what the pastor said so they repeated it. They felt in love. It felt right.

If I could go back, I’d warn that bride that you don't feel your way into love. You choose it. I’d tell her to look at the Bible passage from the ceremony not as a wish list of how she should be treated by her groom, but as choices to make. Instead of, “Love is patient; love is kind; it keeps no record of wrongs…"

I’d have her think this, “We’re deciding that our love will be kind. We’ll work toward making our love patient. And we’ll choose not to keep a record of wrongs."

But, time travel isn’t an option. So, I’ll just start from here and choose to love my husband the way I want him to love me. For more encouragement, visit proverbs31.org.

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Misunderstood

Radio Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writers: Wendy Pope and Renee Swope

Misunderstood: that’s how I’ve felt many times in 15 years of marriage! Hi, I’m Renee Swope for Proverbs 31 Ministries. I remember in our pre-marriage counseling hearing how important communication is. So, JJ and I have tried hard to communicate, but I still feel misunderstood sometimes.

Not long ago we had a great talk. I thought I was making headway in helping my husband understand me. He responded with a big hug and I was sure my thoughts were understood and appreciated. Later that week, I made the mistake of asking my husband if he really understood what I was saying the other night. Well, instead of getting upset because he didn’t remember our conversation, I summed it up for him and we laughed.

If being misunderstood is the problem, what’s the answer? The answer is to show grace even when I don't feel like it and demonstrate love when it seems I have none to give. After all, Jesus offers both to me everyday.

For more encouragement, visit proverbs31.org.

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Everything Changes

Radio Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Jill Tracey

Someone I work with was venting about how frustrating it is that nothing EVER stays the same! Hi, I’m Renee Swope for Proverbs 31 Ministries.

My co-worker had recently lost a very dear friend…something she’d never expected to happen so early in life. There were other changes, too…good AND bad. Watching another friend endure a painful divorce while at the same time watching her daughter grow and try new things; basically changes that happen all around us. But, when they happen all at the same time, it’s unsettling.

She knows of course that Jesus never changes. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. But, to be honest, she’d really like it if her friends could always be around, if her daughter would always want to cuddle with her, if people she loves would stay married, and if her favorite restaurants would stay open!

I can so relate! If you ever struggle with this, you’re not alone! Find some hope at proverbs31.org!

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The Moment

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

Some relationships become so familiar that we can tend to forget, rush, and assume. We feel like we’ll have forever. Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. And feeling like we have forever cheapens the right now feelings.

Each morning I have a routine with my husband. He asks me to help him pick a tie. He then goes away to fuss with it and soon returns with a flipped up collar and a pressed down, knotted tie. He needs me to fold the collar over.
It’s just a moment. But it’s something I would miss with the deepest ache imaginable if today was the last of those moments.

Our relationship isn’t perfect. No relationship is. But…Great love is two people making the choice to be a match. To fold his collar over - savor the gift of this simple moment and find myself grateful.
For more encouragement for imperfect marriages, click on Lysa’s blog at Proverbs31.org.

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Capture His Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Capture Her Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Three Things Wife

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

Early in my marriage, I was determined to become a “good” wife. But, I wasn’t really sure what that meant! Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Desperate to get it right, I tried to figure out exactly what it is that good wives do:

They cook meatloaf. They vacuum every day. They watch football.

The list in my head of what a good wife does grew until it completely overwhelmed me.
Finally, I told my husband, “I just can’t do everything good wives do. Tell me three things you’d like me to focus on and I’ll try to do those well.”

His 3 things were simple… Be emotionally and spiritually invested in our kids, take good care of your body and soul, and keep the house tidy. (Notice he said tidy - not perfectly clean.)

Of course I don’t limit myself to these three but understanding what matters most to my husband has certainly freed me to enjoy my marriage so much more.

I’m a three things wife. It’s simple. But simple is good. For more encouragement visit Proverbs 31.org.

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Capture His Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Capture Her Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

I Flirt With My Husband

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

I love to flirt with my husband. Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Yes, I love to flirt with my man but that hasn’t always been the case. I wasted years being grumpy over what I wished was different about my marriage. Then one day I realized the more I focus on the negative the more negative I would wallow in. I decided to start intentionally looking for good- and that’s when I started flirting with my man again.

Recently Art and I were out to dinner with our 3 teenaged daughters.

I was telling my girls how I thought their Dad was so cute. Our 16 year old gagged and while the 15 and 12 year olds giggled.

And then Brooke boldly stated she was very thankful Art and I had gotten married. “Or I wouldn’t be here”, she proclaimed. “And that would be a complete tragedy.”

I love that girl. And did I mention I love flirting with her Dad? For more, visit Proverbs31.org.

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Capture His Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Capture Her Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Conflict Resolution

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

Just yesterday I was knee deep in some conflicts that made me want to rip my hair out by the roots. Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Many of us want to avoid conflict with all our might. Conflict is messy, emotional, and exhausting.

The rational part of my brain sees situations one way but the emotional part of my heart sees them differently. We can get all caught up in the emotion and make things a much bigger deal than necessary or we can ask Jesus for a better perspective.
I’ve learned that feelings should be indicators not dictators. They can indicate there are some emotions to process but not dictate how we act or react in a situation.

Thinking this way helps me cut through the emotion and focus on a solution.
No tangled feelings. No big issue. Just a good solution without the added stress of escalated emotions.

For more, click on Lysa’s blog when you visit Proverbs 31 Ministries at Proverbs31.org.

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Capture His Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Capture Her Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst

Reality Discipline

Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

I must admit, yesterday I was getting very annoyed with one of my teenage daughters. Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She was fiddling with our laptop computer in what appeared to be a very careless way. I kept saying, ‘please don’t tilt the screen back so far’. Patiently I said it again, and then again. Then I said it one more time with sharpness in my voice. I’m guessing you know the kind.

Thankfully my husband quickly stepped in when he saw my frustration beginning to mount. He rephrased what I had been trying to say. “It’s going to be a costly mistake for you if you break that computer sweetheart.” And that’s all it took. No more rough treatment of the laptop.

Reality discipline is a great way to keep emotional yuck from spewing when our kids need correction. We can let the consequences scream, so we don’t have to. For more encouragement visit Lysa’s blog at Proverbs 31.org.

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Is That All He Thinks About?

Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Marla Taviano

Sometimes husbands and wives are on opposite wavelengths when it comes to spending time together. Hi, I'm Renee Swope for Proverbs 31 Ministries.

The wife will want to go for a walk, sit and talk over coffee and just be together. The husband usually has other things in mind. A friend was telling me recently that she wishes her husband wasn’t so focused on the physical aspect of their relationship. She wishes he were more concerned with her emotional needs.

In her book, Is That All He Thinks About?, author Marla Taviano encourages wives to recognize that God designed men and women differently on purpose--so we'll complement each other, balance each other, and be strong where the other is weak.

I’ve been feeling like God wants me to look for ways to embrace those differences instead of wishing we were more alike. I know God wants both husbands and wives to enjoy each other - emotionally and physically. So what are some ways we can do that? To share your thoughts with us, visit Proverbs31.org.

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How do I love you?

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

How do I love you? Let me count the ways… Hi I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. I was thinking about “ways” to love my husband the other day. You know, it’s easy to throw him a quick ‘I love you’ as he walks out the door to work or as we end a phone conversation. But how have my actions been speaking ‘I love you’ lately? I know the things that make him feel loved but have I been making the extra effort to do those things?

Simple things that speak volumes of love especially to him like cutting up a fresh pineapple for him, a back rub, matching his socks or making his favorite meal. In my fast pace life with a hectic schedule sometimes I get stuck on autopilot in my marriage. But, I don’t want a so-so marriage. I want a great marriage. Therefore, I must take time, make time, to invest energy and effort into it. For more ideas on ways to strengthen your marriage, log on to Proverbs31.org.

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Honoring My Husband

Radio Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Renee Swope

The Bible says wives should honor their husbands, but I haven’t always understood why. Hi, I’m Renee Swope for Proverbs 31 Ministries.

When I got married fifteen years ago, I took the words “honor and obey” out of my vows. I was afraid I couldn’t keep that promise. But I’ve discovered that I can, and I want to!

The other day I was reading about Esther in the Bible. Esther was chosen by the King to be his new wife because his first wife had dishonored him. The king’s advisers insisted that he remove the Queen from her throne. They were afraid that her decision to dishonor the King would influence other wives in the kingdom to dishonor their husbands.

You know, the way we treat our husbands really does influence others! It influences the kind of woman our son will marry. It influences the way our daughter will speak to her husband. And it influences how a friend might talk to her husband after hearing how we talk to ours.

For more marriage encouragement visit Proverbs31 Ministries, at Proverbs31.org.

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Just the Two of Us

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

Last week my husband and I took the time to go on a date. Just the two of us. Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Somehow in the craziness of our schedules, I couldn't remember the last time we took the time to hold hands and talk about us.

Not our teenager's choices, or the broken down car, or how did your meeting go today, or did you return that video back to the store... not that kind of conversation. I mean the kind of conversation that seems harder and harder to find time for in the midst of life.

Maybe this is the true secret to contentment in marriage. Not reaching back for what was lost in our yesterdays. Not reaching for what I hope will be in our tomorrow. But grabbing those little moments right in front of us and seeing them for the gifts they really are. For more, visit Proverbs 31.org.

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She Hears You

Radio Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Renee Swope

My friend was standing in front of the mirror telling her husband how fat and ugly she felt. Then she noticed her daughter was in the room!

Hi, I’m Renee Swope with Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Heidi’s husband pulled her aside and asked her to stop being so critical of herself. He told her how beautiful she is and challenged her to think about the fact that her daughter’s watching and listening. When she hears her mom being critical of herself and questioning her husband’s affirmations, she learns that it’s normal to say those things to herself. And she might even start doubting when her daddy compliments her, too.

I was so challenged when she told me this. Heidi and I both decided we need to stop being so hard on ourselves and start trying to see ourselves the way God sees us. We need to stop focusing on our flaws and hopefully teach our daughters to do the same.

I’d love to know your thoughts on this, share them on Renee’s blog when you visit Proverbs 31 Ministries at Proverbs31.org.

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Get Real

Radio Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Renee Swope and Tracie Miles

Sometimes I hesitate when people ask how they can pray for me. Hi, I'm Renee Swope for Proverbs 31 Ministries. As I wrote down the long list of prayer requests, I realized we weren’t praying for each other. We were praying for other people in our lives: someone’s neighbor was having marriage problems; a co-worker was sick; a friend’s child was being rebellious. The requests were prayer-worthy, but why we weren’t praying for our own struggles - our own marriages, our jobs, or our challenges in life?

I knew I needed to be transparent. You see, when I’m real, people can see, pray for, and love the “real me.” And they get to see real prayers answered. Stories about a restored marriage, about forgiving someone who betrayed me, or about recovering from an addiction could be just what someone needs to hear so their life can be changed. God, help me get past my insecurities and fear so I can use my experiences to help others see You working in my life. For more encouragement, click on Everyday Life at Proverbs31.org.

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Gaps

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

Do you feel like you always have an issue to deal with? Me too.

Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Does it ever seem like everyone else is gliding through life while you’re hitting every possible pothole? I can so relate! Issues are everywhere in my life. Issues with my kids. Issues with a friend. Issues with time management. And then there are the bigger issues that beg me to crawl in bed and wish the world away.
Some days I feel like all I that I ever do is run from issue to issue trying like mad to fill in my never ending gaps.

But these gaps can be good in an upside down, crazy kind of way. They’re a constant reminder of my desperate need for God. Anything that keeps me close to God can’t be all bad right? Don’t let your gaps get you down my friend. And, take comfort in knowing, you’re definitely not alone. For more click on Lysa’s blog at Proverbs31.org.

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Do I Really See My Blessings?

Radio Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

I’m really not as thankful as I should be. Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. I realize I need to model what I teach to my kids, so I’m trying to assess how thankful I really am.

Do I see the incredible spouse I married, or do I just grumble about his faults? Do I see the health of a son who can play sports as a good thing, or do I just grumble about his sweaty laundry? Do I see how fortunate we are to have enough food to eat, or do I just grumble about a kitchen that never stays clean?

I know I’ve been given so much. I’m also guilty of becoming so distracted by these gifts that I forget to be thankful for them. I want the words “thank you” to fall so easily from my lips that it’s second nature for both the big and the small things in my life. For more, visit Lysa’s Blog at Proverbs 31.org.

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Why Wait?

Radio Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Renee Swope

I’m grieving the loss of a friend and it’s really hard. Hi, I’m Renee Swope with Proverbs 31 Ministries. My friend, Kim, was a wonderful mom with three young children who’ll feel the pain of their loss for the rest of their lives. Her death has caused me to ask some tough questions about my own life. Although I know I’ll die someday, I tend to live like I have forever. But I don’t.

So, I’ve been wondering… what’re some things I’d want to do if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness? Would I write letters to my husband and kids telling them how I feel about them? Or make videos for their graduation or wedding days? Would I just want to spend every moment with them that I possibly could?

It’s easy not to think about these things when I don’t have a life-threatening illness. But, why wait? There’s so much I want to say and do, and, the reality is, I’m not guaranteed tomorrow.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Click on Renee’s blog at Proverbs31.org!

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His Way

Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

The other day my husband joked that he thought I was a little “hormonal.” And, I didn’t really appreciate it at the time! Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries. I was having one of those weeks. Ever had one of those?

I had let my frustration level mount to the point where everything was bothering me. It had been a week packed with deadlines, appointments for the kids, and getting ready for my sister to come for a visit.

There are many ways I can choose to react when I’m stressed out. I can say "it's my right to be frustrated," or, I can choose to let God teach me His way in that moment. His way leads me to look at an annoying situation and say, “You know if this is the worst thing that happens to me today, it’s still a really great day.” And what a perspective change that can be for this sometimes very hormonal woman!

For more, click on Lysa’s blog at Proverbs 31.org.

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Love is a Choice

Hostess: Lysa TerKeurst
Contributing Writer: Lysa TerKeurst

Before I got married, I prayed that my husband and I would always feel in love. Boy was I naive! Hi, I’m Lysa TerKeurst for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband. But the ooshy gooshy feelings aren't always there in the pressures of everyday life. During the past 17 years, there have been times when we’ve had to make the choice to hang on when our FEELINGS of love were down to just the tiniest of threads. Other times those love feelings were strong and it seemed inconceivable that they’d ever unravel. Most days, our love has been a choice to retie the knots that bind us. The beautiful thing about making the choice to love is the feelings often catch up, rush in, and take us by surprise. Yeah, love is a good choice! For more visit Proverbs31.org.

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Do the Next Thing

Hostess: Renee Swope
Contributing Writer: Marybeth Whalen

There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed!! Hi, I’m Renee Swope for Proverbs 31 Ministries.

When my brain gets bombarded by all things I need to get done, my friend Marybeth will remind me of something she learned from author, Elisabeth Elliot. After her husband died, Elisabeth said she would’ve given up if it weren’t for one simple concept – do the next thing.

When she began to get overwhelmed she’d simply ask herself what was the next thing that she needed to do - and then she’d do it. Then she’d do the next thing, and the next. And all those little "next things" made up her days.

So now, when I feel overwhelmed, I tell myself - "Just do the next thing."

Sometimes the next thing is to do a load of laundry. Or a grocery list. Or to get ready for work. Whatever it is, I focus on that one thing until it's done. And then I move on to do my next “next thing’!

For more, visit Proverbs31.org.

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